Photo: © Depositphotos.com/bloodua
Written by Josh Garneau
I can’t stand it anymore, George. Every two seconds it’s mom can I do this and mom can I do that. I can’t get dressed, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE LILAH talk with my friends, I just can’t be anything but a mom and I can’t stand it anymore. ISAAC STOP EATING YOUR EARWAX Just yesterday Lilah walked in on me while I was trying to use the bathroom. It had been six hours since my last break and I just wanted two minutes to myself and I needed a second to breathe and I couldn’t even have that because some stupid American Doll was on sale and needed to be bought right then and the world was ending because I wasn’t actively buying it right then. And stop telling me to slow down. I can’t slow down. Even if I look like I’m busy they won’t let up but LILAH PUT YOUR UNDERWEAR BACK ON. OVER YOUR BUTT. NOT ON YOUR HEAD. YOUR BUTT. YES I SAID BUTT. PUT THE UNDERWEAR ON NOW. Sam saw me sitting with my head in my hands two days ago and immediately demanded that I pay attention to him because SAM YOU DID NOT HURT YOURSELF YOU JUST WATCHED HIM FALL ON TV he felt sad that I felt sad and he needed to be told that mommy wasn’t sad because mommy’s can’t be sad and honest to god I just need I AM NOT MAD STOP CRYING to have a conversation with someone outside I AM NOT MAD of this house who can I’M NOT actually talk using words NO like depression and isolation and NO emotional trauma NO and not just the words sad and mad and happy and booboo. I’m just done. I’m done. I can’t even eat a bite of food without some toddler throwing a tantrum and making me do something for them.
ISAAC SIT DOWN AND STOP PUTTING YOUR EARWAX IN YOUR SISTER’S EARS.
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I’m out. This is it. I took the kids out to explore on Monday and I set up an outhouse. I have the bucket and the shed, anyway. I will take care of the rest when I’m out there. My dad’s place has all the room I need. I haven’t even picked up the tent yet, but at least I’ll be able to go to the bathroom and just sit by myself for 10 minutes without these PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHERE IS ALL THIS EARWAX COMING FROM?!
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6 months later Jane packed up her tent. She moved back home with George and the kids. She ran a successful presidential campaign based on gender equality, national pre-k child care, healthcare for all, and environmental stewardship.
2020 is the year of Jane.
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Josh Garneau is an avid reader, cook, friend of dogs, and imaginer of stories. If he could be any animal it would be a fat brown bear, and he loves the smell of pine woods after the rain.